Hello everyone and welcome back. It is Sunday, January 18th, 2026, and if you’re wondering why the world feels slightly more chaotic than usual, you are not alone. I’ve been reading the news so you don’t have to, and let me tell you, this week the simulation is definitely glitching. We aren't talking about politics or the economy today. No, we are talking about the important stuff. Like monkeys.
Monkey Business in Missouri
Let’s start in St. Louis, Missouri. Apparently, the city is currently dealing with a troop of monkeys on the loose. Yes, real monkeys. Officials have confirmed that several vervet monkeys are roaming the streets, and nobody knows where they came from. The leading theory is they escaped from a private owner, because apparently, you can just have those.
But here is the best part. The search is being hampered because people keep posting AI-generated images of the monkeys wearing St. Louis Cardinals baseball jerseys. Authorities are actually having to filter through deepfakes of primates in sports gear to find the real ones. I mean, come on. If you see a monkey in a baseball uniform, assume it’s fake. Unless the Cardinals are really desperate for a new shortstop this season.
The Victorian Shoe Mystery
Moving over to the UK, specifically Wales. If you are in the market for some vintage footwear, get yourself to Ogmore-by-Sea. Hundreds—literally hundreds—of Victorian-era leather shoes have washed up on the beach this week. They are calling it a mystery, but the leading theory is they came from a shipwreck called The Frolic that went down 150 years ago.
So, the ocean held onto them for a century and a half and then just decided, 'You know what? I’m decluttering. Does this spark joy? No. Throw it on the beach.'
It is basically an estate sale, but everything is wet and only fits a size six from 1850.
A Heavy Awakening in Brisbane
Now, let’s go to Australia, where the wildlife is always trying to kill you. A woman in Brisbane, Rachel Bloor, woke up this week to find something heavy on her chest. She thought it was her dog. It was not her dog. It was an eight-foot carpet python. Eight. Feet.
Her husband, in a moment of absolute genius, woke up and whispered, "Don't move." Don't move? Sir, if I wake up with a reptile the size of a garden hose on my ribs, I am not moving. I am levitating. I am leaving my body. The snake was eventually removed safely, but I assume the house is now for sale.
The Legend of Florida Man
Back here in the States, we have to check in on our favorite superhero, Florida Man. A 52-year-old paraglider in Pompano Beach fell five hundred feet out of the sky and plunged into the ocean. Five hundred feet. And he walked away completely uninjured.
He was rescued by a lifeguard and a snorkeler. I feel like 'The Snorkeler' sounds like a very low-budget Avenger. But seriously, falling fifty stories and swimming away? Florida Man is indestructible. It’s the humidity. It makes them bounce.
The Louisiana Mermaid
And finally, let’s wrap up in Louisiana. Police arrested a woman this week who was caught skinny-dipping in a neighbor’s pond. When the deputy told her to get out, she refused. Her reason? She told the officer she was, quote, "trying to be a mermaid." I respect the commitment to the bit.
It gets better. When they tried to get her out, she allegedly fought back, and they deployed a taser. It had no effect. Of course it didn't. She’s a mermaid. You can't tase a mermaid; they are water-type Pokémon; they are resistant. She is now facing charges, but I hope she gets a lawyer who specializes in maritime law.
Backgrounder Notes
As an expert researcher and library scientist, I have identified several key facts and concepts from the article that warrant additional context. Providing background on these topics helps distinguish the factual basis of the stories from the humorous commentary provided by the author.
1. Vervet Monkeys (Chlorocebus pygerythrus)
These are small-to-medium-sized African monkeys characterized by their silver-grey fur and distinct black faces. Known for being highly social and adaptable, they are frequently kept as exotic pets, leading to small feral populations in places like Florida when they escape or are released.
2. Deepfakes (AI-Generated Imagery)
Deepfakes are synthetic media in which a person or object in an existing image or video is replaced with someone or something else using sophisticated artificial intelligence. In emergency scenarios, the proliferation of realistic but fake AI images can significantly hinder "crowdsourced" investigations by overwhelming authorities with false leads.
3. Ogmore-by-Sea
This is a village in the Vale of Glamorgan, Wales, situated on the Bristol Channel. The area is geologically and historically significant, featuring a rugged coastline where extreme tidal ranges frequently expose shipwrecks and submerged prehistoric forests.
4. The Frolic (Shipwreck)
While several vessels have shared this name, the most famous "Frolic" was a paddle steamer that wrecked off the coast of Glamorgan in 1831. Maritime archaeology often finds that organic materials like leather shoes are preserved for centuries when buried in anaerobic (oxygen-free) silt or clay on the seabed.
5. Carpet Python (Morelia spilota)
The Carpet Python is a large, non-venomous constrictor native to Australia, named for its intricate, carpet-like skin patterns. They are semi-arboreal and highly adaptable to suburban environments, where they are often tolerated—or even welcomed—for their ability to control rodent populations.
6. Pompano Beach, Florida
Located in Broward County, this city is famous for its "Shipwreck Park," a collection of sunken ships used as artificial reefs. Its proximity to the Gulf Stream makes it a popular but occasionally dangerous spot for paragliders and divers due to sudden changes in wind and current.
7. Maritime Law
Also known as admiralty law, this is a distinct body of law that governs private maritime business and nautical matters. While the article uses it as a punchline, it is a complex legal field involving international treaties and specific jurisdictional rules for incidents occurring on or in bodies of water.
8. Neuromuscular Incapacitation (Taser Mechanics)
A Taser functions by firing two probes that deliver a high-voltage, low-current electrical charge to cause involuntary muscle contractions. However, their effectiveness can be compromised if the probes do not achieve proper spacing or if the subject is submerged, as water can sometimes diffuse the electrical path.
