Welcome to San Francisco!
Or, as we locals affectionately call it, "The City." Just don't call it "San Fran"—and definitely never "Frisco," unless you want to summon the ghost of Emperor Norton to scold you. I'm your guide to the seven-by-seven-mile peninsula where the hills are steep, the burritos are massive, and the fog has a first name.
The Mission District
This is the sunniest neighborhood in town, shielded from Karl by the hills. It's historically Latino and currently the epicenter of hipster cool. You're here for one thing: a Mission District Burrito. These foil-wrapped torpedoes are hella big—like, the size of a newborn baby. Grab one from La Taqueria or El Farolito and head to Dolores Park.
On a sunny day, the park is packed. We call the top corner "The Gay Beach" and the bottom area "The Hipster Shelf." It's the best people-watching spot in the world. While you're here, check out Balmy Alley or Clarion Alley for incredible murals that tell the history of social justice in the city.
The Castro
Just a short hike over the hill is The Castro. This neighborhood is the beating heart of the LGBTQ+ community and a global symbol of pride. You'll know you're there when the crosswalks turn into rainbows. It’s vibrant, historic, and incredibly welcoming. Keep an eye out for the historic Castro Theatre—it’s an absolute gem. If you want a bit of local lore, this was the home base of Harvey Milk, the first openly gay elected official in California, who changed the course of history right from his camera shop on Castro Street.
Haight-Ashbury
Next, let's head to the center of the counterculture: Haight-Ashbury. If you own a tie-dye shirt, this is its spiritual home. This was ground zero for the Summer of Love in 1967. Janis Joplin and the Grateful Dead lived here, and you can still smell the patchouli in the air. The architecture here is stunning—rows of Victorian homes known as "Painted Ladies." But the real Painted Ladies—the ones on all the postcards—are actually over in Alamo Square. If you go there, please don't knock on the doors; people actually live inside those museums!
North Beach
Now, we’re going to "The Wiggle"—that’s the zig-zag bike route locals take to avoid the steepest hills—over to North Beach. This is our Little Italy. It’s where the Beat Generation writers like Jack Kerouac hung out at City Lights Bookstore, which is still open and totally legendary. Grab a slice of focaccia and look up at the telephone wires—you might see the famous Wild Parrots of Telegraph Hill. They’re loud, green, and nobody is 100% sure how they got here, though rumors range from escaped pets to a busted pet shop truck.
Chinatown
Right next door is Chinatown, the oldest in North America. Enter through the Dragon Gate and get lost in the alleys. Fun fact: The fortune cookie wasn't invented in China; it was invented right here in San Francisco! You can even visit the Golden Gate Fortune Cookie Factory to smell them baking fresh. It smells like vanilla and happiness.
The Avenues & Ocean Beach
Finally, let's head all the way west to **The Avenues**—that’s the Richmond and the Sunset districts. This is deep Karl territory. It’s quiet, residential, and feels like a beach town that forgot to be warm. But the food? Incredible. The dim sum on Clement Street rivals anything downtown. And at the very edge is Ocean Beach. Locals don't really swim here—the water is freezing and the currents are wild—but we do have bonfires. Just watch out for the "Sutro Baths" ruins nearby. It used to be a massive glass swimming complex in the 1890s, but it burned down under mysterious circumstances. Now, it's just spooky, beautiful concrete pools filled with ocean water.
A Quick Nod to Emperor Norton
In the 1800s, Joshua Norton lost his fortune, went a little mad, and declared himself Emperor of the United States. Instead of locking him up, San Francisco just went with it. Restaurants let him eat for free, and he even issued his own currency. He was the first to propose a bridge connecting Oakland and SF, which eventually became the Bay Bridge. He’s the patron saint of San Francisco weirdness.
So, whether you're dodging tech bros on electric scooters in SoMa or hunting for the best sourdough bread at the Ferry Building, remember: keep it weird, stay warm, and enjoy The City.
Backgrounder Notes
As an expert researcher and library scientist, I have curated a selection of key facts and concepts from the text that would benefit from historical, geographical, or cultural context.
Key Concepts & Historical Backgrounders
Emperor Norton (Joshua Norton) Joshua Abraham Norton was a 19th-century San Francisco resident who, after losing his fortune, declared himself "Norton I, Emperor of the United States" in 1859. The city famously indulged his fantasy, allowing him to "tax" businesses for small change and print his own currency, which is now a highly prized collector's item.
Karl the Fog "Karl" is the personified nickname for the thick marine layer that frequently blankets San Francisco, popularized by a satirical Twitter account started in 2010. This meteorological phenomenon is caused by the temperature pressure gradient between the cool Pacific Ocean and the heat of California’s Central Valley.
The Mission Burrito Originating in the 1960s, the Mission-style burrito is distinguished from its predecessors by its massive size and the inclusion of rice and other extra fillings wrapped in a large, steamed flour tortilla. It represents a significant culinary evolution of the traditional burrito, influenced by the Latino community of the Mission District.
Harvey Milk Harvey Milk was a visionary civil rights activist and the first openly gay man elected to public office in California as a member of the San Francisco Board of Supervisors. His 1978 assassination turned him into a global martyr for LGBTQ+ rights and cemented the Castro’s status as a sanctuary for the community.
The Summer of Love In the summer of 1967, as many as 100,000 young people converged on the Haight-Ashbury neighborhood, creating a cultural explosion of music, art, and social experimentation. This event defined the hippie counterculture movement and popularized the "flower power" ethos globally.
Painted Ladies The term "Painted Ladies" refers to Victorian and Edwardian houses repainted starting in the 1960s in three or more colors to accentuate their ornate architectural details. While the term applies to many homes in the city, it specifically identifies the famous "Postcard Row" on Steiner Street facing Alamo Square.
The Wiggle The Wiggle is a recognized one-mile bicycle route that follows a zig-zag path to minimize inclines, maintaining a grade of no more than 3%. It follows the historical path of a freshwater stream that once ran through the valley between the city's steeper hills.
The Beat Generation The "Beats" were a group of post-WWII writers, including Jack Kerouac and Allen Ginsberg, who rejected conventional narrative and social conformity. Their movement was headquartered in North Beach, centered around City Lights Bookstore, which became famous for publishing Ginsberg’s controversial poem Howl.
Sutro Baths Opened in 1894 by billionaire Adolph Sutro, this was once the world's largest indoor saltwater swimming complex, featuring seven pools and a museum. After falling into disrepair, the structure burned down in a mysterious 1966 fire; today, its concrete ruins are part of the Golden Gate National Recreation Area.
The Dragon Gate Located at Bush Street and Grant Avenue, the Dragon Gate is the only authentic Chinatown gate in North America, gifted by the Republic of China (Taiwan) in 1969. Unlike most "ornamental" gates, it follows traditional Chinese gateway architecture, featuring three passages and stone lions to ward off evil spirits.
